The Great British Bake Off returns to our screens this Wednesday, and I for one couldn’t be more excited. For a whole seven or eight weeks, social media will be filled with posts from people who are desperate to prove that they too can create a Pastry that looks like a famous world landmark or a Cake depicting Mary Berry gently strangling that upstart Nadiya Hussain while a Daily Mail columnist applauds from the sidelines. After many failed experiments, these would-be bakers will buy a Victoria Sponge from ASDA, put a photo of it up on Instagram with the hashtag #MadeaThing, and then look for recipes they can actually follow without destroying half their kitchen or end up covered in flour, eggs and despair.
And that’s where I come in!
Yes, Constant Reader, it’s time for another edition of Cooking With Adam, where I share three of my favourite recipes with you whether you want them or not. Why three? Well, unlike the literal Fat Cats of GBBO, I don’t believe in dragging Recipes out any longer than I have to. Come on, who has the time or patience to cook? Apart from people who are actually paid to be Chefs or are trying to make themselves feel better about the fact that they are unemployed? Honestly? No-one, that’s who. These recipes are for people who wouldn’t know one end of an egg beater from another and are absolutely fine with that because they have a life.
So without any further ado….
You will need:
Fish Filets in a Bag (Like This)
Microwaveable Bag of Noodles
A Knife and Fork
You see where I am going with this.
Put the fish in the oven for about twenty-five minutes. At around the twenty-three minute mark, add a tablespoon of water to the noodles and stick them in the microwave. Put the noodles on the plate and put the fish on the noodles. Remember to remove the fish from the bag before eating. Done. It will probably not look like the picture. It will definitely not look like the picture. Sorry.
Okay, this one isn’t really a recipe per se, but everyone needs a Nut Box in their life. You take one or two bags of nuts. Honey Roasted, Dry Roasted, whichever you prefer. You then get some Bombay Mix, some Yogurt-Coated Banana Chips, Peanuts or Dates and some Ginger and you empty them all into a lunchbox. Toss it a couple of times to mix it up a little and you’ve got yourself a Nut Box, the ideal snack for any occasion. Entertaining friends? Nut Box! Attending a Funeral? Nut Box! Power Cut? Nut Box! And the best bit? All of it comes from Poundland! Even the Box! Nut Box!!
HONEY-COATED ICE CREAM
You will need:
Vanilla Ice Cream
A squeeze bottle of Honey
For a quick and easy dessert, nothing beats some Honey Coated Ice Cream. Unless you want something out of the Nut Box. Go on. It’s a source of protein! Okay, maybe not the Ginger or the Yogurt stuff, but the nuts definitely and the Bombay Mix probably are, right? Oh sure, you could have Ice Cream, but then you would have no room for you Nut Box! Nut Box! NUT BOX!!!!!